Saturday, April 21, 2012

poem 4


Peter Pan Syndrome
When Peter told me to take his hand

And follow him to Never Neverland

I obeyed without question;

Putting my heart in his possession.

We painted each other in liquor kisses

And indulged ourselves in romantic blisses.

We take pleasure in our time together

As we flaunted our affections in the warm, summer weather.

His cigarette kisses pin me to the door.

Like fairy dust, they life my feet off the floor.

There is electricity in this humid air

As I stand hypnotized in his sapphire stare.

Yet I pause. There is a wrinkle in perfection.

Something is flawed in my partner selection.

At 26 Peter isn’t old, but he’s odd

For he cocoons himself in a youthful fa├žade.

While his white and blue Mohawk show nice contrasting

A receding hairline will keep that from lasting.

He and the Lost Boys make a merry mob

But I’d much prefer he’d get a long-term job.

Like water trickles from a hand that is cupped,

Youth is leaving. But he won’t grow up.

5 comments:

  1. Your rhythms are awesome! I seriously loved this poem. My favorite line was:
    "I obeyed without question;
    Putting my heart in his possession."

    Really really great job!

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  2. This is a good poem! I really like the lines:

    "A receding hairline will keep that from lasting.

    He and the Lost Boys make a merry mob

    But I’d much prefer he’d get a long-term job."
    It really shows the ideas of growing up and maturing that nobody wants to grasp.

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  3. This poem rocks hard. The poem starts off as a traditional Peter Pan story then it becomes intertwined with a more mature adaptation and ends with reality. The poem has layers that peel away and I like that a lot!
    I think it would be cool to put a line break in
    "Yet I pause. There is a wrinkle in perfection" to read

    "Yet I pause.
    There is a wrinkle in perfection"

    I think it would make it dramatic and bring the reader out of the fairy tail and into the reality.
    I also find this poem extremely relatable...

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  4. This is a really interesting twist on peter pan. I really like the lines, "His cigarette kisses pin me to the door./Like fairy dust, they lift my feet off the floor." There is some really good imagery, removing some of his innocence. Also, the switch at "Yet I pause" is very strong, comedic. I like this poem a lot. I agree with Emily though, about the line break.^^^^

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  5. Wonderful language in many places.

    "We painted each other in liquor kisses" is one of the most formidable lines in class so far!

    Let's talk about this. Some of the lines veer into cheesiness, and I think a little bit of excision can make this really, really strong.

    Thanks for your effort here, Ellen.

    ReplyDelete