Friday, April 13, 2012

Poem 3

Author's note: the poem starts at C.  A and B are just the other parts of the assignment. Also if you feel really confused after reading it you're understanding exactly what I'm saying. Enjoy!

A.      The roar of the alien spaceship wakes me from my daydream. Wind blows my hair back as the foreign vessel ascends to the robin’s egg sky. The ship is small and worn. Its inside is full of complex buttons and machinery that no human could understand. The captain of the ship is unknown, but I suspect it is a strange being whose intelligence greatly surpasses my own. The last thing I notice about the alien craft as it floats out of view is the fluffy Hitler mustache.

B.      Like an alien hover craft disturbs a country cornfield, my father adds confusion to my day. As he goes about his day I ponder what goes on in his mind. My dad is very intelligent. So much so that I don’t think I could decipher his thoughts if I could read them. The inside of his mind is like that of an alien spaceship. Like this vessel his inner workings are strange and vastly superior to my own. His mind is an alien control room with so many buttons and knobs I wouldn’t know where to look first. One thing I always associate with my father is his well-kept mustache. All my life (and before I was born) my father has had the same mustache, styling it the same way. Like a mini-Hitler, Daddy parades through life; his mustache perched on a face similar to my own. My people see my father as a little man with a Big Business attitude, but his is so much more. With a complexity of an alien vessel and a well kept mustache, my father is a little ball of confusion.

                                                                         Daddy (:
The strong aroma of coffee tickles my nose hair

As my father passes me.

His face is unreadable and fills me with an air

Of Confusion. His mind, an alien control room that only he

Can understand. Like a ship guided by an inhuman creature,

Daddy navigates through his days in a pattern only he can chart.

My father’s only constant feature

Is his bushy, Hitler mustache; a hairy form of art.

As I’ve mentioned, my father has notions

 Only he can understand.

If I am Captain Hook his commotions

Make him like the illusive Peter Pan.

As a UFO shapes the life of an unsuspecting farmer,

My dad changes the course of my days.

Sometimes he is quite the charmer

But he is strange in other ways.

Daddy cuts his hair too short

And wears socks with sandals too.

He eats butter pecan by the quart

And buys me ugly shoes.

But in times of need my father’s always came.

He helps me succeed and I love him just the same.


  1. I really enjoyed reading this poem and the descriptions. The similie about your dad's mind being like an alien spaceship was creative and unique. I also liked the Peter Pan and Captain Hook comparison. Great job!

  2. I think this is a sweet little poem, I really enjoy the comparison with peter pan and captain hook as well. I do think that the rhyme feels a little forced in places, e.g. "came/same" or "notions/commotions". Don't worry so much about the rhyme, as poetry can be really beautiful without it, aside from that, I really liked it though, interesting descriptions.

  3. Ellen,

    This is a creative step-forward. Some of the images are wacky and excellent, and the insight about your father is surprising. For some reason, the greeting card finale leaves me cold. I'd rather this poem forgo the closure. I wonder if it could end at "ugly shoes."

    I agree with Chelle's point to an extent. In some way, the rhymes contribute to a young-child's perspective and are useful; in other ways, they seem to govern the language with too strong a hand.

    Think about a revision here. We can talk about it.

    And no more robot-proving!